Be unique, be different, be especially!

I am an introvert.  This does not mean that I don’t like being around people.  It just means that I don’t need to be a part of a group to function, have a good time, or feel good about myself.  I like sitting alone and thinking and even though I enjoy being around people I look forward to alone time.  I have been misunderstood by so many people.  I have been called a snob, weird, shy, and host of other things that I’m not just because I am an introvert.  For many years I tried to conform to make everyone else comfortable.  I forced myself to mix and mingle when all I wanted to do is sit and observe, because sitting and observing makes a lot of people nervous or they feel that you are not having a good time.   Countless times I have been asked if I was bored or lonely just because I was being myself.  I didn’t want my hosts to feel like I wasn’t having a good time so I would choose to change rather than just explaining that I was having a good time even though it didn’t appear that way to most people.  Also, by not admitting that I am the type of person who can have a good time just sitting alone, I led my host to believe that I was not enjoying the function.  I was truly doing myself and my host a disservice.

Now I have learned that people appreciate learning about my introversion.  I no longer make excuses for it.  Usually I can spot other introverts in a room and I sit near them.  I have found that other introverts like myself enjoy one-on-one conversations.  Two people talking together are usually not asked if they aren’t having a good time.  This is one way I have tailor fitted a situation to fit me.  If I can’t find another chatty introvert, I simply enjoy myself and it asked if I am having a good time I tell the truth.  I will reply by saying that I am having a great time sitting and enjoying the wonderful event around me.  Telling the truth is much easier than faking something.

What I would like to challenge all of my fellow introverts to do is to own it and stop making excuses for it.  Introverts are wonderful people who enjoy life, but are capable of appreciating it alone.  We need to step away from time to time and just enjoy our thoughts.  Explain it to anyone who can’t understand it.  If that is not good enough for them, we know we can do without them.  Don’t we?

When I was nine I went to summer camp for the first time. My mother packed a suitcase full of books, which seemed to me commonplace. That's because in my family, reading was the main activity of the group. And probably sounds antisocial for you but for us it was just another way of being social. You were part of the primary heat your family sitting next to you, but you were also free to wander the mysterious realms in your mind. And my impression was that the camp would be exactly, but better. I imagine 10 girls sitting in a cabin heat, dressed in matching nightgowns and reading.

The camp was like a party without alcohol. And the first day our counselor gathered us and taught us a shout that I had to do every day for the rest of the summer to instill camp atmosphere. And it was something like this: "N-O-I-S-Y”, so it spell the word. Noisy, noisy, Noisy, let us be noisy. "But this word is pronounced the letters. I could not understand why any nohow have to be so noisy, or you had to say incorrect spelling. But I cried and I along with everyone else. I tried. And I expected when I could go to read my books.

But the first time I pulled the book from the suitcase, the most popular girl in the camp came to me and asked, "Why are you so soft?" - Soft, of course, the opposite of “N-O-I-S-Y”. And the second time I tried cry, counselor came to me with a worried expression, which is the idea repeated camp spirit and said that we should strive hard to be sociable.

So I put the books aside, back in the suitcase, put them under the bed and stayed there for the rest of the summer. And I felt pretty guilty about it. I felt as if the books needed me, called me, and I had given oblivion. But even I have never forgotten and never open the suitcase until I got home late summer.

I tell you this story about summer camp. I could tell you 50 other similar stories - all occasions when I was told that somehow my quiet and introverted nature was not exactly the best way to be, and we should behave more like a extrovert. And I always felt deep in my heart that there was something wrong and that introverts are good as they are. But for many years I ignored this intuition, so I became a Wall Street lawyer, of all the options instead become what I always wanted, that writer - in part because I needed to prove that I could and I'll be bold and imposing. I went to bars always crowded though what I wanted was to have a quiet dinner with friends. So I made this election against my nature in a way so involuntarily that I was not aware that they were doing.

Most introverts do these things, and of course that is our loss, but the loss of our colleagues and communities. Although probably sounds pretentious, is the loss of the whole world. Because when it comes to creativity and spirit of leadership we need introverts do what I can. From one-third to half of the population is introverted - from one third to one half. That means one of two or three people you know. Even if you are extroverted, I refer to your colleagues at work, wives, husbands and your children and the person sitting next to you right now - they are subject to all the preconceptions which is quite profound and constant in our society. We all internalize this from a very early age without being able to describe in words what we do.

To view this preconception must clearly understand what is introversion. Shyness is something different. Shyness means fear of being judged in society. Introversion has more to do with how you respond stimulation, including social stimulation. So extroverts crave large amounts of stimulation, whereas introverts feel lively, energetic and capable when in quiet environments and stimulant. Not always - these things are not absolute - but in general. So the way to maximize our talents is that each of us to put ourselves in the area that stimulates us.

But here comes bias. The most important institutions, schools and our workplaces are designed especially for extroverted and needs constant stimulation of extrovertiţilor. And right now we have a belief system that I call groupthink, which holds that all creativity and productivity comes from places very gregarious.

So imagine typical class today: When I went to school, sitting in rows. I sat in rows of desks in this way, and we did most issues fairly autonomous. But today, the typical class has offices groups - four, five, six or seven children sitting face to face. And many children working in group tasks. Even in subjects like math and creative writing, which you tend to think it depends on the individual thoughts, children must now act as members of committees. And for children who prefer to be alone and work alone, these children are considered different from the rest, or worse, problematic cases. And most teachers believe that the ideal student is an introvert extrovert unlike although introverts do better and are more intelligent, according to

research.

The same applies to the workplace. Most of us work in offices with open spaces without walls, which are subject to constant noise and on colleagues. And when it comes to the spirit of leadership, introverts are constantly overlooked for promotion, even though introverts tend to be very cautious, much less inclined to take risks exaggerated - perhaps something appreciated by most of us present. An interesting study conducted by Adam Grant at the Wharton School concluded that introverted leaders often get better results than extroverts, because when conducts proactive employees are more likely to allow those employees to apply their ideas, while extroverts can in a reckless manner, become so enthusiastic about the things that they want to put their mark on events and other people's ideas could not come to the surface so easily.

In fact, some of the leading reformers in history have been introverts. I will give some examples. Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, Gandhi - all these people have described themselves as quiet, low voices, and even shy. And agreed to become the center of attention, although each cell of the body told them not to do that. And that seems to have a special power, because people felt that their leaders were at the helm, not because they liked to give orders and not the pleasure of watching; were there because they had no choice, because they were determined to do what they think is good.

I think at this point it is important to mention that I like extroverts. I always say that some of my friends are the best extroverts, including my dear husband. Of course, we all assigned to different points on the axis-extrovertiţilor introverts. Even Carl Jung, the psychologist who popularized these terms, said that there is a pure introvert or an extrovert pure. He said that such a person would be in a mental hospital, that if there was not one. And some people live in spades introvert-extrovert middle axis, and we call them ambivertiţi. And I often think these people have all the best from both sides. But most of us recognize as belonging to one or the other.

What I mean is that we need a better balance in terms of culture. We need something like yin and yang between these two types. This is particularly important when it comes to creativity and productivity, because when psychologists looked at the lives of the most creative, they discover there are people who are very good at sharing ideas or to propose ideas, but have also a strong component of introversion.

That's because loneliness is often an essential ingredient for creativity. So Darwin, take long walks in the woods and emphatically refuse an invitation to a party. Theodor Geisel, better known under the name of Dr. Seuss, forged most of his creations in a remote office behind his home in La Jolla, California. And he was afraid to know the children read books because they feared that they expected to see a cheerful character as Santa Claus and it would be disappointed with his more reserved personality. Steve Wozniak invented the first Apple computer sitting alone in his space to Helwett-Packard where he worked at the time. And he said he would never have become such an expert that would not have been too introverted to leave the house at a time when growing.

Now, of course, does not mean we should not cooperate at all - as proof, Steve Wozniak joins Steve Jobs to start Apple Computer - but means that solitude matters and that for some people it is the air we breathe. And in fact, we know from centuries of transcendental power of loneliness. Just recently I started to look in a mysterious way. If you look at most of the major religions of the world, you will find hermits - Moses, Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed - hermits who went alone into the wilderness, where they had epiphanies and revelations deep, they brought back the rest of the community. So: no wild are not revelations.

It is not unexpected when you look at the findings of contemporary psychology. It seems we can not find a group of people with and without mime reflect the opinions of others. Even when it comes to internal or personal things like who you are caught, you will start to copy the beliefs of others without even realize that

you do.

The groups are the dominant views and charismatic individuals who are present, even if it is zero correlation between being the best speaker and have the best ideas - ie zero. So ... You could follow the person with the best ideas, or you may not. And do you really want to leave that to chance? It's much better for everyone to stand alone, to generate their own ideas distortion away from group dynamics, and then join as a team to discuss them in a well-managed and to start here.

If all this is true, then why are we doing so badly? Why we provide our schools and workplaces in this way? And why they do these introverts feel so guilty that want to stand alone from time to time? The answer is rooted in our cultural history. Western societies, especially the United States, have always favored the man of action and contemplation unlike man 'man' contemplation. But in the early days of the United States, I lived in what historians call a culture of character, back when people appreciate their inner self and moral correctness. And if you look at self-improvement books at the time, all have titles like "character, the grandest thing in the world." And offering models like Abraham Lincoln, who was praised for that was modest and not seek out out. Ralph Waldo Emerson called "A man who never offended by superiority."

But then we arrived in the 20th century and entered into a new culture that historians call the culture of personality. We have evolved from the agricultural economy in a world of big business. So once people move from small towns to big cities. And instead of working with people I have known all my life, now I have to say a lot of foreigners. So it is understandable how qualities such as charisma and magnetism suddenly become very important. Of course, self-improvement books were changed to comply with these new needs and began to suggest titles like "How to make friends and influence people. "And I propose exceptional sales people as models. So this is the world we live in today. This is our cultural heritage.

Nobody says that social skills are not important, nor support the abolition teamwork. Those religions who sent wise on isolated mountain peaks teaches love and trust. The problems we face today in areas such as science and economics are so vast and complex that we'll need armies of people to join together to solve them. But the more we introverts more freedom to be themselves, the more they will come with their unique solutions to these problems.

Now I want to share with you what's in my suitcase today. Guess what? Books. I have a suitcase full of books. Here is Margaret Atwood, "cat's eye". Here's a novel by Milan Kundera. And here "Stalker wandering" of Maimonides. But these are not my books. I brought with me because these books were written by my grandfather's favorite writers.

My grandfather was a rabbi, he was a widower who lived alone in a small apartment in Brooklyn, which is my favorite place as we grow, partly because it was filled with the presence of gentle and polite and partly because it was full books. I mean every meal, every seat in that apartment resigned from its original now serve as an area loaded with books. Like the rest of my family, my grandfather's favorite activity was to read.

But he loved his congregation, and you could feel the love in the sermons he held each week for 62 years while he was rabbi. He used to take a săpămâni fruits and wove tapestries complicated reading of ancient and humanist thought. And people came from everywhere to hear him speak.

But it's a matter of my grandfather. Under his ceremonial role was actually very modest and very introverted - so much so that when holding these sermons have difficulty looking people in the eye of the same congregation before which spoke of 62 years. And even when they do not preach, when you call to greet you often end the conversation quickly because he was afraid not to take too much of your time. But when he died at the age of 94, police had to close his neighborhood streets to allow the presence of a whole army of people who came to mourn. So now I try to learn from the example of my grandfather on my own.

I just published a book about introversion, and it took me about seven years to write. And for me, these seven years have been a complete happiness, because reading and writing, thinking, researching. It was my version of my grandfather who spent hours in the library. But once my task has become very different, my task is to be here talking, talking about introversion. And it is much harder for me because as I honored to be here with you all, this is not my natural environment.

So I prepared for moments like this as much as I could. I spent the last year practicing public speaking in every opportunity. And I called it "the year we talked dangerous." And that really helped me a lot. But I tell you what helps most is my feeling, my faith, my hope that when it comes to our attitudes towards introversion, tranquility and solitude, we are about a dramatic change. We really are. So I'm going to leave you with three calls to action for those who share this vision.

Number one: Stop the madness for constant work in teams. Turn it off. Thank You. And I want to be clear on what you say, because I think our offices should encourage interaction nonchalant, casual - ie situations where people gather and exchange ideas unexpected. This is great. It's great for introverts and extroverts. But we need much more privacy and freedom and much more autonomy at work. The school is the same. We need to teach our children to work together, of course, but also we need to teach them to work alone. This is very important for extroverted children. They need to work alone because in this way we come deep thoughts.

Number two: Go into the wild. Like Buddha, dare you own revelations. I'm not saying we should all go to make our cabins in the woods and never alone with each other, but we could say that we disconnect and enter our own minds a little more often.

Number three: Look carefully at what is in your suitcase and you put that thing there. Extrovertiţilor So maybe your suitcases are also full of books. Or are full of glasses of champagne or skydiving equipment. Whatever it is, I hope you will remove these things from view at every opportunity and will bless us with energy and your joy. But introverts, as you probably know you tend to observe carefully what is in your suitcase. And that is okay. But occasionally, just occasionally, I hope you open your suitcase for other people, because the world needs you and the things they carry.

So you want the best trip of all and the courage to speak gently.

Thank you!

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